Have you ever wanted to see someone so badly just so you can get those loving, warming, comforting, and nurturing feelings back that you once felt in your lifetime? Knowing that will be impossible for me since my mother has been deceased now for 14 years which brings such an immense feeling over me. Ever since my mother passed away, I went through so many different feelings and emotions about her death. Being 15 years young and loosing a parent, especially when the father is distant; it can be distressingly complicated. In just one day, my whole life changed instantly! Although I did take a detour along the negative side of encounters after her death; I eventually made a turn that strengthened me as a person. It is bizarre how life works out because I believe my mother’s story is what influenced and impacted my life today. Now I know the “what if’s” are not healthy to live by but I do wonder, “What if she hadn’t passed away?” It is such a scary thing to think about. But all-in-all, life could not be any other way for me. This is the life I created for myself and I do believe deep down in my soul that I had all good intentions along the way. For I have come to realize I do mean all good and by me feeling, thinking, and acting in such ways; I am creating my future to be assured, cheerful and prosperous. “Good things happen to good people,” right?!
Here is a poem that my three sisters and I wrote for our mothers’ funeral 14 years ago. I read this exact poem at her mass; for she will always be remembered…My mother, my best friend; my dear guardian angel.
FORGET ME NOT
You’re really gone for good…
And bravery and strong-ness is how we stood.
You may look down and see us cry,
We are so heartbroken, we can not lie.
We all went through a lot together,
And all those memories will stay with us forever.
We’ll remember you always with smiles and gladness…
And try to forget the pain and sadness.
What we need to know is that you are alright.
We think about you everyday, it’s hard to sleep at night.
You’ve only been gone a couple of days…
And we have so much more we want to say.
We all miss you very much…
And the one thing we need right now is to feel your soft gentle touch.
As soon as we saw you take your last breath,
A part of us died…
But we believe your still with us and we will survive.
Watch over us and keep us safe.
We’ll be waiting for that day we meet again face-to-face.
We love and miss you always Mom.
In Loving Memory of our Mother.
November 12, 1947–January 23, 1997
I find it odd that each year I take the time to visit my mother’s grave stone to where she is buried in the cemetery—whether it be on Mother’s Day, her birthday, her anniversary to when she passed, or any other random occasion… basically, it’s been a tradition since she was buried. Although I am not sure why I go to visit, it makes me feel okay that I did so. I say it is odd because I believe her energy is surrounding me everywhere. I do truly believe her spirit is surrounding me and protecting me. I sometimes believe I can feel her energy around me which makes it more comforting for me; I do feel that cool, calm feeling… Although it is not exactly what I am looking for, I will take it because I know it is from her! When I was younger, I never really understood what it meant by “feeling people’s energy” but now as an adult I have to admit, I do understand and can say I believe I experience it on a high rating. I believe by my thoughts, I have an affect and I do believe as a human being I can create my own life and if I am capable of doing it, you can also create what you want if you put the time into believing so. Consequently, everyone does have potentials and capabilities they are not aware of and do not know how to use them to their full capacity. [Side Note: This is a whole other topic that I will get into eventually].
“Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn’s rain
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there
I did not die.
–Walter J. Myers (n.d.)., Walter J. Meyers Funeral Home. This poem, Do not stand at my grave and cry, was written on the back of my mother’s mass card. I truly love this poem since I can so deeply believe it.
People say after a person passes that it takes time and it will get easier but I would have to disagree. It’s not that it gets easier, I believe it is a struggle to cope with on occasions but I pull through. Just like life is an obstacle to get through at times; so is dealing with a death. A person needs to learn to cope effectively when a loved one dies or else it can make matters worse. There are many ways to cope with death. Mine for example is to write as I am simply doing now and another little strategy I use to cope is to listen to an inspirational song that helps me get through the moment of sadness. [*GUIDED TIPS:* Below are further tips on how I would higly recommend on how to cope effectively with death]. Furthermore, here is a song that my mother dedicated to my three sisters and I before she passed; what a perfect song to go along with the words to this blog! Enjoy as I do every time!
*GUIDED TIPS:* Listed below are tips I would encourage on how to cope effectively with death. Some of these I experienced and others I wish I should have so I could have accepted my mother being dead much recently than I did. While I was doing research on death, I came across the web site lised below which I would recommend to read over if in a situation of loosing someone.
Guided Tips on how to Cope Effectively with Death:
- Talk out your feelings and emotions. Express yourself: I’m mad! I’m angry! I’m hurt! I’m confused, I’m…whatever you may be feeling at the moment. Talk with a parent, friend, a teacher, a sibling, a neighbor, cousin, or anyone that you feel comfortable with. If you cannot think of anyone, seek a counselor/psychologist in your local area, school, etc.… They are confidential and will help guide you through your troubled time.
- Make sure to express yourself freely with your grief…cry when you need, it is completely healthy to let out a “good cry.”
- Try and keep a normal sleep routine. Good rest allows you to have energy to keep you busy!
- Keep up with your hobbies and remain sociable. Spending time with friends and loved ones is a healthy way to take your mind off thinking about it too much.
- Accepting it will take time—just allow yourself to open up to accepting it.
- If you feel yourself slipping into an unusual, unhealthy routine, make sure to tell someone about it and/or seek help. Sometimes it can lead into depression which is different than grieving. According to, Jaffe-Gill, Segal, Smith, 2010, Coping with Grief and Loss: Support For Grieving And Bereavement, http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm. “Grief involves a wide variety of emotions and a mix of good and bad days. Even when you’re in the middle of the grieving, you will have moments of pleasure of happiness. With depression, the feelings of emptiness and despair are constant.” Make sure you realize the difference and seek help if needed.
”Believe in yourself and you can Create What You Want.” -Dianne Furphy
This post is aslo correlated to:
Meyers, J., T. (n.d.). Walter J. Meyers Funeral Home P.c., Walter J. Meyers Funeral Home. Retrieved January 23, 2011, from http://www.walterjmeyers.com/
Jaffe-Gill, E., Segal, J., & Smith, M. (2010). Coping with Grief and Loss: Support for Grieving and Bereavement, HelpGuide.org A Trusted Non-Profit Resource. Retrieved January 23, 2011, from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm
YouTube. (2011). YouTube, Forever Young-Rod Stewart http://www.youtube.com/
- Friday’s A mothers last word… (coach4singlemom.wordpress.com)