The Best Me I Know How To Be
Feelings and thoughts create the world around you, yes? They sure do for me. Since my mind was loaded and conditioned with negative thoughts growing up; my emotions, my choices, my attitude, my behavior and feelings were based on such concepts of living. I once lived in a cold, darken, gloomy, hatred world. I wanted the absolute worst for myself. I did not know how to love myself. I was 15 years young when I seen my mother take her very last breathe due to a long battle with cancer—this here is what changed my world for the ‘worst’. I did not see this experience as a learning opportunity; instead, I seen it as, “Why is this happening to me? And what did I do to deserve this?” I did not know how to cope with it properly and so I began to make very bad decisions which led me down a very bumpy road. When I look back; I realize I created the past I had. I now realize I am in control of myself; of my feelings, my emotions, my choices, my attitude, my behavior, and my actions! This is my life and I create the ‘me’ that I hold deep within my heart. I do the best that I can, the best I know how to each and every day. I continue to live in my moment and focus on bettering myself and overcoming all of the fear I hold within. Accepting and letting go is something I am still working on yet I believe we are all a work in progress—there is always time to learn, grow and develop. Life is made up of experiences, yes? I do what I can to make the best of each encounter I have with life. I take forward with me the lessons I learn from each moment I live in. I love meeting new people and socializing as to where in my past, I was very anti-social and I had to use supplements such as drugs and alcohol in order to be around people. I was closed off to the world—closed off to myself.
Everywhere I turned; it seemed my world was crashing down on me. I continued to blame everyone else for the way my life was unfolding when I never stopped to think it was all of my doing. I searched for answers everywhere; contacting blood related family members I have not seen in many years or never even met trying to find answers from them. I searched everywhere ‘outside’ of me. I was a lost and confused girl who did not know where to turn. The whole time, I felt deep within my heart I was different from those I was surrounded by so this made it more of a challenge for me to be myself. I continued to act and be someone I was not; a stranger who I did not even know which created more illusions which also held me back from reaching and being my true highest Self.
I met my significant other 13 years ago (when I was about 19-20 years young as I was still in the ‘woe is me’ state-of-mind.) Each day he would teach me something new or told me what I was mysteriously yearning to hear deep inside. “I love you for you.” “Be you because you are beautiful for exactly who you are.” “Be honest to yourself—you deserve it.” “You are worthy of the good.” “You are your own God—God is within you.” The list of him believing in me goes on—even when I did not believe in myself. Each day, he continued to see the beauty in me and he told me he knew he loved me instantly and all he wanted was for me to love myself and to see the kindness, lovingness person he had seen in me all along.
With his support and unconditional love, each day I noticed a change internally and even in my external world. I started realizing there was more to me than the sad, hurt girl that was holding on to the past. I decided to say “No” to my old habits and I began making a change and questioning my current belief system that made no sense to me at the time anyhow. As I started exploring life and seeing the beauty in it, I noticed I was waking up day-to-day and becoming more aware of Who I Am. I started believing in myself and taking action on Who I want to BE.
Currently in my development, I have accomplished and overcame so much within myself—breaking down the barriers that I once built towards love. I care for all of humanity and only want best for everyone. I have the best family; friends (and not-yet met friends; meaning, you reading this right now, yes YOU! :::smiles:::) and most importantly, I have a happy home and I love me—for everything that I Am. I make big leaps to do what my heart tells me. I also make choices that feel ‘right’ to me. I am also now living out my dreams by helping others, being an artist and healing not only myself but others around me too. Everyone has a story to tell and I believe with our stories, we can make the choice to learn and grow from one another; therefore, I am happy to be able to live out the true me and hopefully help change and help others in ways not only I have done for myself but as my partner has done for me too—I like the saying, Pay It Forward.
With this new, completely changed me I am evolving into, I see the opportunities that arise in my life to help better me for my very own well-being. I learn to look deep in the love of my heart for the answers I yearn to know. I observe and see the signs (synchronicities) that the Universe puts in my path each day and—I create the ‘me’ I desire to be each and every day by exploring all of the beauty life has to offer. If I am curious; I explore my curiosities. I focus on the good of it all and I have learned to forgive myself for the choices I have made in my past. For those choices teach me who I do and do not want to be. I am sure I will continue to make mistakes as I believe mistakes are great learning opportunities to help evolve me in such ways. Laughter also plays a key in my life. Laughter has been known to be the best medicine and when I am in the darkest of times, by being optimistic and finding something to laugh about—it absolutely creates positive results. Living in the now, each moment I am given also allows me to be filled with gratitude for the life I am living and especially all of the people involved in my life. By listening to our hearts and living it out—it creates a magical world of goodness, love and to live openly and freely. My life motto is now lived out by this simple saying:
“Believe in yourself and you can Create What You Want.”